Don't Haze Me, Bro

Just saw this on SportsCenter. Some brief thoughts:

--For the record, since Coach Gundy chose to lambast the column without reading or quoting from it, here's the dastardly piece in its entireity. I don't particularly think it's a great column-- I think its insistence on finding a kind of oedipal truth in the quarterback's relationship with his mother is tiresome, poorly thought out, and unbearably macho; I also think it's pretty par for the course in the way football is covered on both the pro and college levels. If you're going to make "toughness" the key criteria and definition of what it means to "be a man" (hell, if you're going to rabidly link football and 'manliness' in the first place), you shouldn't be surprised if it blows back on you.

-- "This article embarrasses me to be involved with college athletics" and "I think this article's worth readin' " v. "I didn't read it" and "This is why I don't read newspapers": Way to trumpet your aliteracy on television, Coach Gundy.

--Ambiguous use of false statistics: although he hasn't read the article, Gundy can make the mathematically precise declaration that the article is "3/4 inaccurate", which begs the question: which 1/4 of it is true?

--Misleading use of false anecdotes: Gundy makes reference to a mythical child being picked on because he's fat, or being criticized for dropping a pass, leaving the implication that Carlson made these remarks in her column. She didn't, and Gundy's shameless play on his audience's emotions (I mean, I'd feel bad for that mythical kid) really blurs the coverage here. It's the equivalent in political reporting of the "some people say...", which allows reporters and pundits to make things up and parrot party talking points while claiming to speak for the will of the people. Also, if Gundy wants the reporting to center on "what happens on the field" (as he says more than once in this tirade), wouldn't dropping a pass count as that?

-- I love the way his shirt blends into the OSU backdrop: L'etat, c'est moi.

--"If you have a child someday," Gundy sneered, "you'll understand how it feels. But you obviously don't have a child": Jenni Carlson, if the column above is any indication, is a terrible writer whose work is a slew of macho cliches, but I do wonder if Gundy would've made that remark to a male columnist. It seems to tap into a stream of resentment and cultural expectation constructed around gender lines that remains an ugly black mark in college football (hello, Garry Barnett!) (also, in a continuing series of "how sensitive is he, really?" head-scratchers, Mike follows up this "concerned parent" bit with the lovely wish that Carlson's future, hypothetical child suffer slings and arrows of criticism and put-downs, although he does stop short of wishing that her future children sport gills).

--This article documents the aftermath of Gundy's tirade, and also quotes Oklahoma's Bob Stoops, Nebraska's Bill Callahan, Colorado's Dan Hawkins (who not only wants restricted media criticism, but also thinks fans shouldn't boo-- wow, what confidence he must radiate to his team), and Texas's Mack Brown about how horrible it is that newspapers don't act as boosters for their local sports programs (hmm, mabye I shouldn't use the words "booster" and Oklahoma in the same sentence...). Do you think there's any link between the antipathy these men feel and the fact that their programs have all been involved in highly publicized, self-inflicted, off-the-field scandal in the last fifteen years? I know the SI reporter was just interviewing Gundy's fellow Big 12 coaches, but that's like a Murderer's Row of College Football Outrage, which makes their "woe is me" defense of student "innocence" more than a little disingenuous.

--I'm of two minds on whether or not to criticize college athletes.

On the one hand, yes-- they are younger, and possibly less emotionally developed than their NFL counterparts (although the early entry of many into the NFL means that age gap is shrinking). My sister was a D-1 college athlete, and I know how heavy their schedules can be, how hard they work, and how fragile their psyches can get in the middle of a season. I think Gundy became a nutjob in the middle of his rant, but I respect the underlying principle of a coach defending his team. And in the end, it's just a game, right?

On the other hand...This is D-1, not D-III, and it's (as Gundy himself proclaimed) "Big 12" D-1, not the Ivy League. And it's football, the King of College Athletics, not a relatively uncovered sport like volleyball or lacrosse, where press coverage might be lighter, and therefore more shocking if highly critical. Football is a huge event in Oklahoma: when Boone Pickens gave $165 million to OK State last year, he didn't give it to the school's academic program: he specifically earmarked it for the athletics department, saying at the time, "What I keep coming back to is we're in the Big 12 and it's a tough conference. I want us to be competitive." The players specifically come to schools of that size and athletic caliber, not just to get an education, but to get media attention, to position themselves for the draft, and to win championships. All of which is great-- I attended two D-1 schools myself. But, to paraphrase Michael in The Godfather Part II, let's not kid ourselves: we're all part of the same hypocrisy. If bigtime football players reap the benefits of being BMOCs, the trade-off is scrutiny, and a silly column in the local paper is hardly the worst thing that could happen to them. And is this distinction between NFL and college players really an ethically logical argument, anyway? If it's "mean" and "wrong" in one case, is it really, to pardon the pun, OK in the other? The argument Gundy and ESPN commentators like former Gator Jesse Palmer seem to be making is that NFL players get paid, so they should be able to withstand it. But this is an unfair argument: it's the NCAA and the various conferences that have vociferously blocked attemtps to pay college football and basketball players for their efforts, preferring to reap the sizable economic benefits of their free labor through alumni donations, ticket sales, television deals, paraphernaila, etc. (and the NFL says nothing because college is a free farm system for them). When confronted with the gross hypocrisy in their rhetoric about it being "just a game," defenders of this system point to scholarships, free room and board, etc., that the players receive (one could also say the players reap, in a delayed fashion, the economic benefits of all the interest, sales and PR they generate down the line in their respective pro drafts). Fine, but aren't you admitting, then, this is a form of "payment", which might open the players up to the kind of criticism you say shouldn't befall an "amateur" athlete? Do the ethics shift on a sliding scale of salary? "He's not a professional athlete," Gundy raged, "and he doesn't deserve to be kicked when he's down"-- so, you do deserve it if you are a pro athlete? Perhaps unwittingly, Gundy seems to be opening up a recurring debate about the real nature of the student-athlete, and the role he plays in the public consciousness.


Anonymous said…
First off, Carlson gets no points for perspicacity: "A 21-year-old letting his mother feed him in public? Most college kids, much less college football players, would just as soon be seen running naked across campus." I can tell you that there are plenty of college kids who'd call that their idea of the perfect Saturday.

(I'll leave Gundy to you, Cinephile, as you've handled him in such spot-on fashion.)

Man, what a massive pile of ugly. The column--you're right--sucks. "Or does he want to be coddled, babied, perhaps even fed chicken?" Really, was the chicken stuff necessary? Add racist overtones (and how 'bout some homphobia while we're at it?) to the rest of the complaints about her Maureen Dowd-wannabe approach. ("News alert! Jenni Carlson calls Gundy the Breck Girl!") Even if this kid did have mother issues, it's pretty juvenile to go after him like that for merely eating. (Especially when NFL stars appear in soup commercials with their mothers. Somebody out there thinks that pairing is not-weird enough to sell some cans of Chunky.) Better to dick around with innuendo than actually craft a defensible case that Reid's not up to the stresses of being a starter. She's got a story there; she's just not using her column to write about it.

Having witnessed the macho crapfest that is much of sports broadcasting in OKC (homebase to The Oklahoman and KWTV-9, and Stillwater's home market as far as I can remember), Carlson's doing pretty much what I saw male sportscasters do there, pathetic as that is: imagination-free and talent-bereft 'reporting,' masculinity policing, pitiful self-aggrandizement, very public bullying of vulnerable athletes, and so on. In the comments, she's being criticized by the, ahem, most enlightened posters for the thing for which she criticizes Reid, not having (enough) balls. Well done, everyone!

They don't call it Bedlam (when OSU plays OU) for nothin'.

As for the rest of it, I agree with your point: get the NFL off the college teat, make it create its own damn farm system (I dunno, maybe call it NFL Europe?), and let college ball be about playing a game. (Remember when the WNBA was started and people kept saying how refreshing it was to see teams playing fundamental basketball instead of the show we call the NBA?) Yes, I know universities will close, entire states will go bankrupt, and ultimately the universe will fold in on itself. But I say it's worth it!
Brian Doan said…
Yes, I'm kind of surprised Gundy didn't say that the column "couldn't do-- Diddly- POO! out there!!"
Greg said…
It is truly amazing to me sometimes how extraordinarily fast some phrases enter the public lexicon. Who would have thought "Don't taze me bro" would be a catch phrase? And I like your play on it.

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